From the depths of the tepid inferno

I'm Still Alive

2011-02-14T09:56:00.000-05:00

Yep that's all. Maybe something new in the near future.

2010-02-19T07:32:00.000-05:00

2010-02-19T07:31:00.000-05:00

2010-02-19T07:29:00.000-05:00

2010-02-19T07:25:00.000-05:00

test

2009-12-30T11:54:00.000-05:00

Testing....1...2...3!

Ahhh Palm...Your Ship Has Sailed.

2007-11-15T18:12:00.000-05:00

I used to love my Palm pilot. Now I pray for an iPhone. I used to hope that Palm had half a chance of competing with anyone anymore...but I guess that ship has sailed.

Even a few days ago I still felt a glimmer of hope that perhaps, some how some way Palm would get its act together and offer something that would work flawlessly and offer me the features that I actually wanted at a reasonable price point...but then i walked into Best Buy and saw the Palm display shoved into the corner next to the laser discs and the slide rules.

Oh Palm how I weep for you!

This is a Call to Arms!

2007-04-16T22:10:00.000-04:00

Earlier this evening as I was watching 24 and enjoying a well earned glass of absinthe; I happened to run across and interesting post on my friend Sam's blog. It just so happens that this post was directed towards me and the other fallen bloggers.

So, I sprang into action and resurrected my long neglected blog. So in a nutshell, here is what I have been up to in my absence.

I now am the proud owner of a Macbook and I love it! I am also the owner of a kitten named Gribble, and I love him too. The Macbook has given me no trouble whatsoever and is a dream to own...the Kitty, causes lots of trouble (especially when typing, the cat simply has to sit on the key board). I never realized how many things I owned that could be knocked over until I got a kitten. Interestingly enough, I never knew how many things I owned that I did not want to have knocked over until I got Gribble.

Colleen, my fiance, is in London England with her best friend Stacy. You will note that I am not in London doing British things....but I am not bitter because yesterday I got to go to Morton's with Stacy's fiance Jarrett.

For those of you who don't know Morton's is perhaps the greatest place on the face of God's green earth. Everything seems to taste better there, even the water. I had a steak that was two inches thick, cooked to a level of perfection that I never knew was possible...but I will demand that level of quality in the future. I ate asparagus that was as big as Henry Rollins' forearm. And the service...the waitress knew what I wanted before I did, yessiree its gonna be hard going back to the Denny's after experiencing this little slice of heaven. Sure the meal cost as much as a plane ticket to Europe...ohhh but the steak!

Which Science Fiction Writer am I?

2007-01-29T14:07:00.000-05:00

I am:

William Gibson

The chief instigator of the "cyberpunk" wave of the 1980s, his razzle-dazzle futuristic intrigues were, for a while, the most imitated work in science fiction.

Which science fiction writer are you?

I have to say, this is not who I expected to be...but I am thrilled. I love Gibson, and I was even thinking about writing my Capstone paper on cyberpunk...but then I realized that it would require me to figure out all of that post modernism nonsense. So which author are you?

Rudeboy

2007-01-09T09:19:00.000-05:00

It would appear that today is a 2 Tone day. Black pants and white socks!

Can't wait to stary skanking!

Class Dismissed!

2006-11-03T12:59:00.000-05:00

Today I had to remind my 10th grade class at least seven times that one of the attributes that distinguishes you as a 10th grader is the ability to enter and exit a classroom with out:

hitting

pinching

slapping

kicking

or otherwise touching your classmates.

This is just one of the many subtle nuances of polite social interation that I am trying to instill upon my students.

Students.....

2006-11-02T12:28:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh Students....

You just don't get it do you.

I don't earn the grades, YOU do. I just fill in the boxes as we go along.

No I will not stop what I am doing to go into intricate detail about my personal life.

Not all books are boring, and genrally speaking, its a could idea to actually read some of the book before you denounce it as boring.

Yes we have class today, and yes we will be doing work. Thank you for asking though, someday perhaps your persistence will pay off and when you walk in the room and ask me if we are doing any work today I will respond with a hearty NO. Just take a seat and sleep for the next couple of hours. Its cool.

Students....thanks for filling my days with all sorts of new and exciting ways to make my job just a little more challenging.

Customers have nothing on students....students have parents.

An Open Letter To Santa Claus....

2006-03-03T14:57:00.000-05:00

Dear Santa:

I know that Christmas has already passed by but since I didn't really ask you for anything this year I was wondering if you could perhaps find the time to drop off two USB joysticks so that I can play The Last Starfighter at work?

I tried to use the keyboard commands but found the whole experience rather lacking; I am sure that with twin joysticks I would be able to get a feel for what it would be like to truly pilot at real Gunstar!!!

If you and the elves haven't had the chance to play this game check out this site for a free and legal download of The Last Starfighter videogame.

Thanks Santa,

Mike

Playing With Slides!!!

2006-02-15T22:20:00.000-05:00

Here are some slides that I scanned into the computer...

Nothing special....

just goofing around with the new equipment....

unless you guys like these images....

then I would consider them MAJOR artistic statements....

which I would be willing to part with for $100.00 a print...

each print would be 27x49 and signed by me!
Heck if they become really popular maybe I will fire off some lithographs too.
Digital cameras are for weenies...(at least until I get one).

These were taken in or around November of 1999, on 100 iso Ektachrome.

Music Equals Memory

2006-01-20T13:46:00.000-05:00

If you are a boy and you went to high school between 1993 and 1997 I can pretty much guarantee that you spent at least one Friday night alone in your room listening to Radiohead's Pablo Honey track number two on repeat with headphones on playing air guitar and singing along.

Yeah I'm Still Alive......(To be read in your best Eddie Vedder voice!)

2006-01-08T13:53:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have been emailing me for the last three months asking where I have been; and if in fact the cleaning lady has finally succeeded in killing me you can breathe a sigh of relief because I am back!

I suppose that I owe you some sort of explanation for the long absence. I believe that it is a grand tradition to return to the Blogosphere with tales of all the great adventures that I was having in the three months while I was not updating my blog. A post that would satiate your ever growing curiosity as you ask yourselves day in and day out; what ever became of Mike.

Well tough luck...I'm not here to give answers I am here to draw silly pictures of myself on post-it-notes.

Which I am not able to post at the moment because my scanner is being a jerk!

Damn you HP PSC2510 all in one document center!

Check back tomorrow for something a bit more substantial.

Tales From The Workplace: Episode 1 "The Cleaning Lady Is Insane"

2005-10-07T18:58:00.000-04:00

As many of you know I work nights in a college library. For the most part its a pretty easy job and its also a pretty safe environment in which to work. But every once in a while something happens that makes me realize that I may not be quite as safe in the library as I once believed.

Take for example the cleaning lady, now I know that for some of you the phrase "cleaning lady" may stir up the image of an older woman, perhaps a bit grandmotherly, in your mind. Maybe she speaks with a cockeny accent and dresses like Carol Burrnet. Well not our cleaning lady.

Our cleaning woman enters the building at around 11:30 every night which gives me roughly half an hour of quality interaction. Thanks to this window of opportunity I have been able to draw two conclusion about the cleaning lady, the first is that she is clearly insane and the second is that she may in fact also be homicidal.

Allow me to present to you some of the clues that have allowed me to reach this conclusion.

I first deduced that my cleaning lady was crazy when she explained to me that she talks to Jesus. At first I assumed she meant that shy prayed. I realized that this is not quite what she meant when she asked me if I talked to Jesus.
For the sake of clarity he is an illustration of what transpired.

Drawing By Mike

I can not stress to you enough how unsettling this entire conversation was, because she is a very tiny very very intense person. She talks like she knows something that you don't, which I suppose is entirely possible seeing how she has all of these late night conversations with Jesus.

My second piece of evidence has to do with the aforementioned "Mexican Lottery." If you catch the Cleaning Lady on the right night she will pull a greasy letter out of her pocket and show it to you. Apparently the half faded slice of paper is the proof that she has won the Mexican Lottery. She is just waiting for the lottery commissioner to mail her check. Again this doesn't sound that crazy but it would if you could hear her explain it in person.

My last piece of evidence is a little something that I like to call "Big Knife." One day I spilt some coffee all over my desk so I used my master key to open up the janitors closet to get some paper towels and maybe a little Glass Plus. As I was taking the paper towels off the top of the cart I noticed something shiny. Upon closer inspection I realized that the shiny object was in fact a knife. Here is a picture of it.

Photo By Mike

So my question is what possible reason could there be to have this knife at work? What possible janitorial function would necessitate you bringing a six inch blade into the work place? Pop quiz, is this something that a sane person would do? Or is it something that a woman who hears voices would do...voices that sometimes tell her to do things perhaps.

So now when ever it gets to be around 11:30 at work I try to be a bit more vigilant just in case the Cleaning Lady has received orders from Liberace transmitted via calculator to terminate me with extreme prejudice.

Drawing By Mike

In Case You Didn't Know

2005-09-29T19:18:00.000-04:00

In case you haven't heard yet, I started a second blog yesterday. Now why would I do that when it is quite clear that I have enough trouble posting to this blog on a regular basis?

The answer is simple, this blog is my first blog and I try to put a little something special into each post mainly by means of illustration and also hopefully the content. I try to post items here that are a little more personal. So now I want a blog that is a little less Mike-centric and more content oriented. But trust me I am confident that enough of me will filter through.

The name of the blog is All the Cool Kids Love Technology. You can find it here. In case you haven't guessed it will deal with technology in some way shape or form, what the form will look like is anyone's guess.

Give it a look and see what you think.

The Force Is Strong With My Cactus?

2005-09-28T23:03:00.000-04:00

Late last week I was sitting in my office at work innocently surfing the net when a student came up to the door and wrinkled up her face and pronounced that I had the messiest office she had ever seen.

I explained to her that I shared this office with several other people and this happened to be a very busy time of year for us, and we have to store a lot of the reserve materials for classes inside the office.

She shrugged and told me that it must be impossible for me to accomplish anything in such a dump.

I tried to explain to her that my office was like the Millennium Falcon of offices, it may not be much to look at but it has it where it counts...then I realized that this was quite possibly one of the geekiest things I have ever uttered to a nongeek. So I just shrugged and went back to surfing the net.

But you know I couldn't help thinking that if my office is the Millennium Falcon then that must mean that I am Han Solo and my Christmas Cactus is obviously Chewbacca.

Drawing By Mike

I Wish I Had A Cubicle Job...

2005-09-23T13:10:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wish that I had a job in a big company that required me to work on a floor filled with cubicles in a highrise building. I admit I read a lot of Dilbert comics but there is a very specific reason why I want to work in a cubicle building. I personally fell that my sense of humor and brand of mischief would work perfectly in that type of environment. Take this comic from Toothpaste For Dinner, look how much fun that little dude is having. I want to have the same opportunity to have that kind of fun, but that opportunity never comes a knocking at the library.

Sure I can pull some of the same tricks in the library where I work but by this point the minute something unexplained or unexpected happens guess whose door they knock on first? Think of the chaos I could seed in a building where I would have some degree of anonymity! The possibilities are endless.

Just the other night I posted this news article on the bulletin board in the breakroom. Why this article, you may ask, why because it has no bearing on anyone's life provided that they live in the United States. I also may have located the most incomprehensible sentence in the article and highlited it for added drama.

What does this mean????

Why would I do something like this? What could I possibly hope to accomplish? Lets just say that I like to do whatever I can to spice up the lives of the librarians that I work with, besides everyone loves a puzzle!

Natural Disasters and Superheros

2005-09-01T12:42:00.000-04:00

As I sat in my living room this morning watching the latest news stories pouring out of the Hurricane ravaged Gulf Coast I realized that this is the perfect scenario for a superhero to come in and save the day.

If Superman were here he probably could have prevented the entire catastrophe by flying out to sea and using his super-breath to blow the hurricane onto another course. Or perhaps destabilize the center of the storm. Superman would definitely be able to help ease the sufferings of millions of Americans.

Actually Storm from the X-men would also be able to stop this tragedy from happening, the rest of the X-men would be extremely useful in search and rescue missions. I imagine Batman would also be a useful guy to have on hand in the event of a natural disaster. He could probably deployed the Bat-shelter and eased the strain placed on the facilities at the Superdome.

But today as I watched reports roll in about people shooting at Navy/Coastguard choppers trying to rescue stranded people; or looters hijacking a truck full of medical supplies bound for one of the only functioning hospitals in the region I know that there is one Superhero who could make a real difference in this situation. That man is Judge Dredd!

Surely Judge Dredd would be able to help the refugees while at the same time dealing with the more criminal element taking shelter within the unwashed masses. The wolves among the sheep. But until the Judge can be located lets hope that people will calm down and let the real heros of the Red Cross and various Federal and State agencies do their jobs.

Vampire Hunter Dud

2005-08-29T17:34:00.000-04:00

I placed Vampire Hunter D on my Nexflix queue last week and I have been anxiously awaiting its arrival. It came over the weekend and I eagerly placed this Special Edition DVD into my player and was completely disappointed.

Before any of you die hard fans freak out on me and remove my feed from your RSS readers let me clarify this statement for you. I was not disappointed by the movie itself, far from it I really liked the concept of a distant future where Vampires and gigantic Werewolves roam the earth and courageous men known as hunters keep them from slaughtering all of the innocent villagers. What disappointed me was the fact that a "Special Edition" DVD could have such piss poor visual quality.

You see I remember standing on the bleeding edge of the DVD revolution; and I remember when a "special edition" meant just that; there was something special about the disc. I realize that this is an older film but surely there was an old Japanese gentleman with a Q-tip and some kind of solvent that could have cleaned up the negative a little bit so that I could actually see what was happening in the scene. Perhaps someone would be willing to digitally remaster this film, because when I watch a movie I want clear visuals. I can handle darkness for effect but not something that seems of poor quality. Especially when I sit down and watch something animated nine times out of ten it is the visual elements that draw me into an animated film.

I don't know maybe Ghost in the Shell as spoiled me.

DOOMED!!!

2005-08-26T12:38:00.000-04:00

Everyone goofs off at work. That has to be one of Newton's laws, I mean lets face it popular tradition has it that Newton himself was goofing off when he discovered gravity.

As I was saying everyone goofs off at work, I am no exception...actually I probably goof off more than any of you could possibly imagine. I have many clever ninja-esque techniques that allow me to goldbrick without detection. Every once in a while these techniques fail. Take today for example. I was sitting in my office downloading the new DOOM trailer when the Director of the Library and the Vice President of the College step into my office to have a quick chat.

With feline reflexes I minimize the window and pull up the decoy application that helps me fool the unwashed masses into believing that I am actually doing work. Everything appears to be going well until Quicktime, thoughtfully, decided to automatically begin playing the trailer once the download completed. By this time I am no longer at my desk but across the room too far away to close the window that is now showcasing Vin Diesel kicking alien demon ass. Naturally I decided to download the fullscreen trailer not the postage stamp sized one.

After the trailer finishes there is a moment of silence and I say the only thing that a person can say in that situation. "Whoops." Fortunately everyone laughed and I don't think that I will get into too much trouble over this incident. I do know that I will be modifying some of the default settings on Quicktime.

Give Me an iBook or Give Me Death!!!

2005-08-16T18:16:00.000-04:00

I felt that it was my duty to bring this story to the attention of my reader who may not have made it out of their caves this morning.

In case you haven't heard tragedy struck this morning in Henrico County. The County was selling one thousand four year old decommission iBooks for fifty dollars. As is often the case demand for old computers quickly outstripped demand and massive throngs of people showed up hoping to claim their own slice of the Apple pie. (Oh yes I just wrote that!)

These people did what intelligent law abiding citizens do when denied the object of their desire; they stampeded!

An event of this magnitude must be imortalized with the first official Mike Evitts commemorative lithograph series.

With out further ado I give you this day in history:

Drawing By Mike

Drawing...I mean...LITHOGRAPH By Mike

Lithograph By Mike

Lithograph By Mike

I have read a few accounts of the ensuing stampede and they range from factual journalistic records to gristly tales of human suffering. One story even goes so far as to claim that the angry hordes who were denied an iBook tried to sate their thirst for technology by eating babies.

I left such sensationalism accounts out of my Lithographs because I was unable to confirm them...but as soon as I can I will present to you one hell of an anniversary series.

Sometimes It Pays To Go To Work

2005-08-15T16:40:00.000-04:00

Every once in a while it really pays off to go to work in the morning.

Today is one of those days. I stumbled into work this afternoon with the sole intention of finishing half of the Range-finders that I had to create. For those of you not as steeped in the Library Arts as I am; a range-finder is that tag on the end of the book shelf that tells you what books are located in that particular area or "range." Consider yourselves enriched.

Now creating new range-finders is a task that my library has avoided doing for the last twenty years, so I got to start from scratch. This means I had the great fortune of learning how to create templates and stylesheets on MS Word that correspond to diemensions that no one in thier right mind would ever dream of using.

Thankfully I perservered, once the template was setup the job turned into pure data entry so I took this opportunity to explore the podcasting feature embedded in iTunes.

I spent most of my time typing and listening to TWIT which stands for The Week in Tech for those of you not in the know. In the words of one of the commentators TWIT is essentially an Algonquin Round Table for geeks. They discuss technology and gadgets, rumors and innuendo. I find it pretty interesting stuff.

But do not for a moment think that this is what made my arrival at work worthwhile! As I completed one floor's worth of range-finders my coworker came into my office and tossed a copy of the Heavy Metal Encyclopedia on my desk. This is the second time in two weeks that she has finally, after two years of employment, ordered a book that I have requested.

For those of you who do not have a copy of this fine resource at work, run to whomever orders your office supplies and demand that they requsition you a copy or else you will be forced to split thier skull like Dave Mustaine after a three day bender.

You May Have Noticed....

2005-07-28T15:03:00.000-04:00

Some of you may have noticed that I have enrolled in Google AdSense. This is not an original idea; in fact I can honestly say that I stole this idea from Sam. The reason why I decided to try Google Adsense? Well free money of course, I figure that as long as I am putting in some of my time to create this stuff I might as well take in any dollars that I can to help keep the Repo Man away from my car.

Perhaps this explanation is a little too pat for some of my more discerning readers; so I direct you to this article, and instruct you to replace the name Sam with Mike, and Sambot.com with thedepthsofthetepidinferno.blogspot.com.

Thank you for your cooperation!

Mike

Dinner Party..."The Gathering"

2005-07-23T17:05:00.000-04:00

Umm, yeah so before any of you says anything there is nothing about shaving cream in this post. Sorry. It is not because there is not a great story involving myself and shaving cream, but rather because I got a little carried away with what was supposed to be a small portion of the promised post but grew into a large post of its own.

Basically I started to draw and was having a good time and I let my imagination wander a bit too far and there was not enough time left at work for me to finish the rest of the shaving cream post.

Instead I give you Dinner Party..."The Gathering!"

Its a true crime game...it will be fun I promise.

BACKGROUND:

A few weeks ago when I was neglecting to update my blog, Colleen and I threw a big dinner party for all of our friends. Every one was having a blast except one guest, Mr. Body.

Drawing By Mike

Yep this guy was a real party pooper and he kept trying to black mail all of us, and doing a pretty good job of it until the power went out and there was a loud scream. When the lights came back on Mr. Body was dead...as a door nail. He is now pushing up daises, taking a dirt nap, on the wrong side of the lawn ect.

Each of the guests at the party had means, motive and opportunity.

Because I myself happen to be a suspect I cannot help the police clear the case, but you can dear reader! Take a look at all of the evidence and tell me who you believe is the guilty party.

Was it...

Drawing By Mike

Sam in the computer room with a flagon of mead? (I hear that sweet liquor goes straight to his head!!!)

Drawing By Mike

Carrie in the dining room with the lighter? ( Maybe that old adage is true "if you love somebody why not set them on fire?)

Drawing By Mike

Candace in the pantry with the Oreos? ( I hear she once broke a fellow student's wrist for getting fresh with her...who knows what she would do to a blackmailer!)

Drawing By Mike

Jason in the backyard with the bottle rockets? (Jason has seen and owns more violent movies than anyone I know; did the smell of gunpowder finally push him over the edge?)

Drawing By Mike

Carl in the living room with the Freaks and Geeks DVD? ( Carl has had police training, such instruction would help him to avoid capture if he ever decided to murder!)

Drawing By Mike

Amy in the garage with the CD with the questionable title? ( Everyone knows what fiery tempers red-heads have, how much would it take to push her over the edge? A little blackmail perhaps?)

Drawing By Mike

Jay Caron on the porch with the bottle of imported beer? ( He arrived after all the other guests was it because he had to make preparations for his crime?)

Drawing By Mike

Colleen in the kitchen with the spinach lasagna? ( A crime that would make Garfield cringe...perhaps Mr. Body failed to compliment the cook on a well prepared meal?)

Drawing By Mike

Or could it have been me, in the cellar with the Shrine to Scotty? (Who knows what I am capable of in such a distaught state?)

You be the judge, weigh the evidence and find the guilty man or woman!!!

Long Time Coming...

2005-07-22T15:35:00.000-04:00

Hello readers,

First of all thanks to all of you who have made gentle and not so gentle (lets call them threats) suggestions that I update my blog. There is nothing like the prospect of potential bodily harm to motivate me to write a blog post. Especially when the person who threatens my life also provides me with a potential blog topic!

Here is my promise to all of you: If you check back tomorrow night you will find a new post made to this blog...a real post not a cheesy tactic designed to buy me more time like this post. For those of you who need a little enticements tomorrow's post will deal with what I have been doing with my time besides not updating my blog.

It involves shaving cream.

That is all I am going to say.

Mike

One Dark and Stormy Afternoon...

2005-06-30T17:12:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was a dark and stormy afternoon, there were big black clouds rolling in from the East, so I grabbed my iPod and hopped in my car to drive to work.

Drawing by Mike

As I drove towards the library the sky grew even more foreboding and I knew that we were going to be in for one hell of a storm. About this time I realized that the basement would most likely flood if the rain was heavy so I whipped out my cell phone to call my brother and ask him to pick all of my guitars up off the basement floor.

Drawing By Mike

Although you can not see it in my illustration, by the time I got to work it was raining pretty hard, but not hard enough to stop me from going out onto the front porch of the library to watch the lightning hit every building in sight. When I came back in from the porch I was just in time to pick up the phone. My Mom was on the other end of the line and she delivered the sad news.

Drawing By Mike

She told me that the basement was indeed very flooded but fortunately my brother had gone down there and picked all of my valuables up off of the floor and moved them to higher ground. Although none of my awesome stuff that I know that all of you covet secretly in the darkest corners of your heart, was harmed it is still a colossal pain in the neck to clean up.

secretly I found myself wishing for the first time in my life that my Dad was really Moses of biblical fame; that way he would be able to hold back the water as it seeped...I mean roared into the cellar. And as long as my Dad is Moses I might as well get to be Superman so that I could dry the cellar up with my X-Ray vision and super-breath!

Drawing By Mike

Oh the Things I Have Seen

2005-06-13T14:55:00.000-04:00

This post has been driving me nuts. It is a simple little post that I began about a week ago, it should be moronically simple to finish; but for some reason I have not been able to get it just right.

I have decided to go with the ultra simple approach.

Everyone has at least seen one of those joy stick operated machines filled with prizes, be it in an arcade, on the way out of a grocery store or in your neighborhood bowling alley. You drop a handful of quarters into the machine and grab onto the joystick and for the next sixty seconds you have to bring all of your concentration and manual dexterity to bear so that you can select a prize and manipulate the mechanical claw directly above it before the time runs out. If you are particularly gifted you may end up with some piece of California Raisin memorabilia or a crummy (but shiny) digital watch.

Most of us have played these games before and I was not surprised to see one standing in the lobby of the Weathervane in Kittery Maine. Colleen and I had just finished lunch and were on our way out of the restaurant when I saw the machine out of the corner of my eye and stopped dead in my tracks. Instead of the prize area being filled with stuffed animals and the odd sports bottle, some enterprising genius had filled the machine with water and a bunch of live lobsters.

Drawing By Mike

On the one hand I thought that this was the dumbest and strangely enough coolest thing that I had ever seen. Think about it if you were hungry and had two dollars in your pocket and better than average hand eye coordination then you could grapple...yes I said grapple...a lobster and walk into the restaurant and they would cook it up for you. I was also impressed that a restaurant would risk the PETA backlash of installing this contraption. While I am no vegetarian I couldn't help but think that perhaps this setup might be a tad cruel...until I realized that it was better for the lobsters than the traditional lobster tank.

Drawing By Mike

In the traditional lobster tank every lobster is assured a certain death. It is only a matter of time. With this scenario a particularly cunning lobster could theoretically out wit the claw and live to a nice old age. Or at least until he was big enough to take on the claw crustacean to clamp. Given enough time the lobster could become a highly adapted and perhaps even intelligent super-lobster. Think about it, I know that I have been.

Return of Me!!!

2005-06-09T20:21:00.000-04:00

I have just returned from my vacation in Maine and there was a beautiful new iPod Photo sitting on the kitchen table waiting for me...I have to go and play with it; but please check back tomorrow because I have have had many adventures and seen many things since I last posted.

Mike

The New Neighbors

2005-06-03T13:36:00.000-04:00

Kristen moved into the house on the island one week after her ninth birthday. The house that her father had bought was the smallest house on the island, but at least it was big enough to let Kristen and her brother have their own bedrooms.

As Kristen and Justin walked into the house for the first time she was surprised at how clean the house was, she had always thought that old houses were dirty and filled with dust and cob webs. But the walls in the little house were gleaming from a fresh coat of whitewash and all of the floors had been scrubbed so that the yellow wood shone golden in the early morning sunlight.
While her father helped the moving men unpack the truck he told the kids to go upstairs and pick out which bedroom they wanted. Kristen and Justin ran up the stairs and into the left had bedroom. It was big and painted light green it had two big windows one of which over looked the front yard and the house across the street and the ocean in the background. The right hand room was much smaller and over looked the back yard with the tiny dock and motor boat that Kristen's father would use to get to work every day. The room was painted blue and also had two windows, the view out of the second window showed the side yard with the tall wall that ran around the perimeter of the big old house next door. Kristen and Justin stared out the window at the massive yard which had long yellow grass broken only by copses of trees and what looked to be at one time well maintained gardens that had now grown over with weeds.

The Old House Drawing By Mike

The yard offered many opportunities for adventures and places to explore, but the thing that held the attention of the two young children was the tree shrouded mansion in the distance. It stood at least three stories tall and was by far the largest house on the property. Four massive chimneys climbed above the tops of the trees sprouting from the multicolored slate roof, which seemed to be covered in leaves and sticks. There was a large porch that wrapped around the entire side of the house covered in chipped and peeling white paint; the walls of the house were weathered and grey. Most of the house was hidden by the shadows cast by the large trees and Kristen doubted that anyone lived there anymoreat least no one who cared anything about the house or the yard.
"Do you think it's haunted?" Justin asked. Kristen shook her head and told him to grow up. "There are no such things as ghosts, but I'll take this room if you're scared." Justin let out a small sigh of relief and ran back across the hall into his room. Kristen continued to stare out the window at the old mansion and as she stared she knew that she was going to have to slip over the wall some day and take a closer look at the big old house.

That night Kristen made macaroni and cheese for dinner, she had started to help her father out with some of the household chores after her mother died the previous year. He worked most of the day in the city and she didn't mind the work because it kept her mind off of other things. Besides if Justin helped it only took about an hour a day to keep the house clean. At dinner Kristen asked her father about the big old house next door. He smiled: "I thought the old Doyle place would interest you two." He smiled and leaned back in his chair. "At one point many years ago the Doyle's owned this entire island; they were a very powerful and wealthy family. This house actually used to be one of the houses where some of the servants who worked in the mansion lived. After the great war the Doyle's were forced to sell some of the land that they owned to others, and eventually the family died out until only a son was left." Kristen and Justin exchanged excited looks with each other. "Does he live in the mansion Dad?" Mr. Drexler shrugged his shoulders. "Your guess is as good as mine Justin, but if he does live there I don't want the two of you bothering him. I want you both to promise me that while I'm on the mainland you will stay on this side of the wall." Kristen and Justin both promised their father that they would stay on their side of the fence but they both knew that they were lying. The big old house was simply too great a temptation for them resist.

The following morning as soon as their father was out of sight the two children slipped over the stone wall and into the garden next door. Kristen was right about who ever lived in the house they didn't seem to care at all about the gardens. Where there were once roses only wild tangles of thorns grew, the grass was yellow and came above the children's knees. Although it was a hot July morning it seemed even hotter on this side of the wall. The air was humid and dense, and all around the children was a thick mist that collected and moved dreamily in any low lying areas on the property.

Over the garden wall. Drawing By Mike

As Kristen and Justin explored the property they found many interesting things; a grotto filled with statues and long dried up fountains. A goldfish pond that was green with slime and algae, although she doubted that a fish could live in such foul water Kristen could tell that something had made the stagnant pond its home by the ripples beneath the scum's surface. As the twins pressed on they began to grow more uncomfortable and not just because of the sweat that was seeping from their pores and the mosquitoes that the salty fluid attracted but because on more than one occasion both twins had that feeling that they were being watched.
As the twins drew closer to the house Justin pulled Kristen under a large tree, "I think someone is following us."

The Very Large Woman. Drawing By Mike

He whispered, but the words had barely left his lips when two dry leathery hands grabbed both twins by the shoulders and spun them around. The kids were surprised to see an enormous old woman smiling down at them cruelly, "Someone is following you!" She hissed and she began to drag them both in the direction of the old mansion.

I'll Take My Slice of Heaven Deep Fried, Thanks!!!

2005-05-25T18:27:00.000-04:00

Way back in the Ides of March a bunch of us chipped in to buy my friend Carrie a Fry Daddy for her birthday. Ever since the gift was given I have been eagerly sitting by my phone waiting for the call. The call that would tell me that on some night in the near future I would be invited to a Fry-Party!!! Well my friends last Friday (Fry-day?) that call finally came.

I along with everyone else was invited to Carrie's house to try out her new Fry-Daddy. On the way over to her home she suggested that we swing by the supermarket to pick up any and all foods that we might be interested in frying. Carrie suggested fruits and vegetables...I however was already thinking about deep frying a Twinkie. I had heard of it being done once before in an urban legend or on the Discovery Channel. But I wasn't sure what the results would be like.

Once we entered the supermarket Sam and Jason took off like two over-caffeinated children, ransacking the produce aisle looking for anything and everything that might taste good deep fried. I remember Colleen, Jason, Sam and I all clustered around a large display of asparagus debating the merits of the vegetable and whether or not we felt that it would survive the deep frying process. Ultimately we decided that asparagus would not be particularly edible and opted instead for a nice looking zucchini. After a brief stop at the gas station to secure a package of Twinkies it was off to Casa Del Richards where the deep fried frenzy would be held.

Once we got to Carrie's I made highballs for everyone...well every one that mattered anyway. Then we stepped out onto the drive way to show Sam his belated birthday present. We all chipped in to get him the makings for a state of the art top of the line potato cannon.

Drawing By Mike

While Sam was admiring the potato cannon parts "Daddy" Richards came outside to help the festivities along with some fireworks he had secured no doubt on one of his many trips in the Trans Am. These were excellent fire works the kind that spin into the air and hover over your head for a few seconds before they come hurtling back towards you. At one point one of the projectiles began to fall back to earth directly over Colleen and I so we did what any young couple would do...push the other person out of their way and get the hell out of the way of the falling fire ball.

After the fireworks we all went back inside to fry the many fruits and vegetables that we had purchased. We made onion rings, and tempura-ed broccoli, fried eggplant, and deep fired zucchini. We attempted to make fired mozzarella but the cheese was not frozen so all that we ended up with was a big mess. As the night wore on and the beer flowed freely...we fried just about anything that we could get our hands on...including some birthday cupcakes that Carrie had bought for just that reason.

Drawing By Mike

For those of you have never tasted a fried cupcake, run to your bakery and buy a cupcake. Bring it home and fry it, you will not be sorry. The cupcake becomes encased in batter and when you eat it it is buttery and warm inside. The only thing better than the deep fried cup cake is the deep fired Twinkie.

Crossection By Mike

The deep fried Twinkie is a little slice of Heaven. It tastes so good that I think I saw God when I took the first bite. We wisely saved the Twinkie for last, some would say because we would not have been able to eat anything else afterwards...but I believe that everything else would have paled by comparison. The deep fried Twinkie was so delicious that I secretly wanted to have another one all for myself but I didn't say anything. Partly because I know that my friends would be disgusted by me...and partly because we didn't have any more Twinkies. My advice to all of you is run, don't walk, to the store; buy a Fry Daddy and a package of Twinkies and pig out in style!!!

Stay Tuned Loyal Readers...

2005-05-21T10:43:00.000-04:00

Tune in this Wednesday to read about these exciting topics...

1. Fry Daddy

2. Daddy Richards

3. Twinkies

4. Fruits and Vegetables

5. Fireworks

6. Potato Cannons

All this and more in the next exciting posting to Depths of the Tepid Inferno!!!

Poor Old Michael Finnegan...

2005-05-15T18:00:00.000-04:00

Last weekend I shaved off my goatee, and started growing it all over again.

Take this opportunity to look at some of the different goatee styles that I have adopted over the years and what influenced me to adopt them.

Drawing By Mike

Figure 1: The Neal McCauley

I love the movie Heat and I am a huge Robert Deniro fan, when I grew my first goatee it was right after I had purchased Heat on DVD so I had no choice but to model my first attempt at facial hair after the man who taught me one of the most important lessons in life. "Never get involved in anything that you can't walk away from if you feel the heat coming around the corner."

Figure 2: The Modified Chris Cornell

I like Soundgarden and the Klingonesque influences that inspired Chris Cornell's goatee. I added my own slight modifications however, so that people wouldn't confuse Chris with myself.

Figure 3: The Modified Riker

Commander Riker has a way with the ladies and he is cool under pressure. Who can blame me for modeling a goatee after his in a futile attempt to somehow instill those same qualities into myself.

Figure 4: They Call Him Mr. Iommi

While this incarnation of my goatee did give me something substantial to tug on while deep in thought it did nothing to improve my guitar chops.

Figure 5: Lemmy

I kept this model goatee for less than twenty four hours primarily just to see my sister's reaction to it, and it was worth every minute that I looked ridiculous. While this style may work miracles for Lemmy and his cancer it really add nothing to my own natural rugged good looks.

Cover Art

2005-05-03T09:12:00.000-04:00

I spend a great deal of time thinking about music and movies. Maybe a bit more time than many experts would consider healthy, but not much. Recently I have been thinking about album cover art. The reason is probably because I have been adding album art to my iTunes files and this has given me the chance to look at all the albums I own and their corresponding artwork.

So I have decided to provide you with a list of my top ten album covers in no particular order and say a few words about each one. For those of you who are interested this is how I selected the artwork for this list; I sat down at the computer and went to Amazon and began typing in ten albums as they came to my mind. This ensures that the artwork in this post is truly memorable because I had to come up with it off the top of my head.

THE LIST

Album: Suffer
Artist: Bad Religion

Copyright Bad Religion

What makes this an awesome album cover? What doesn't make it awesome! To begin with the setting is obviously your average suburban neighborhood, much like the ones that many of us grew up in so we can identify with the artwork. Second there is a little boy in the picture and he is on fire! That is going to catch anyone's eye, I guarantee it. Thirdly notice how the boy is standing, he is clearly burning, but he isn't panicking. He has not taken this opportunity to stop drop and roll, instead he is standing there defiantly. And that is cool...well that and the red Chucks. If I was ever going buy a Chevy Conversion van this is what I would have air-brushed on both sides.

Album: Big Lizard In My Backyard
Artist: The Dead Milkmen

Copyright The Dead Milkmen

What can I say about The Dead Milkmen that hasn't already been said before? Yes the easiest way to describe them would be to dismiss them as sophomoric...which they certainly are...but they are also a really talented group of guys who just happen to write silly, happy little songs about strange stuff. Occasionally they will come out with a real gem of songwriting brilliance like Dean's Dream which happens to be one of my favorite songs ever. But on with the cover art. I like this cover because it reflects the sensibilities of the band perfectly. The name of the album is Big Lizard In My Back Yard...and that is obviously a gigantic lizard. I mean look at him, its bigger than the swimming pool and its snacking on a chaise lounge. The image is simple and defiantly memorable. Every time I hear someone say "big lizard" this is the image that pops into my head...and now it will pop into your head too.

Album: Songs About Fucking
Artist: Big Black

Copyright Big Black

Perfect marriage of image and words. Like the two previous covers this one share some similarities...first it is simple, some would say iconoclastic. Primary colors, simple line drawing. But the point, or the message is clear...but only because the words a so perfectly merged with the image. Much like the band Big Black there is more to this album cover than meets the eye. The title of the album is base, ok lets be honest some would call it obscene. But instead of going for any number of ten thousand obvious images that would illustrate this album the band chose a very subtle image. A woman's head obviously engaged in a sexual act...but what can you tell from her expression is she enjoying it, is she being raped? You can not really tell from what you can see there isn't enough information. Coincidentally that is how I feel after listening to Big Black did I enjoy this or were my ears just raped? The easiest way to describe the Big Black sound is caustic; or maybe abrasive...but like the title of the album that is too obvious...because the music is very catchy and excellently constructed...so there are a lot of subtleties at work here not only in the music but also in the artwork. If I ever lived in a dorm this would be the poster on my wall.

Album: Give 'Em Enough Rope
Artist: The Clash

Copyright The Clash

More primary colors, yeah!!!! This is not the best album that the Clash ever made...but I feel it is the best cover art ever. If I was going to get a Clash tee-shirt and wear it every day this would be the one. Again a simple memorable image a Chinese peasant being eaten by vultures while a Maoist looks on. Everything in the album screams china...the font, the Maoist...unless of course that is a cowboy being eaten by vultures and then perhaps the cover is a metaphor for the decline of the west in the mid-eighties. I'm really not sure. But this is one vivid album cover.

Album: Out of Step
Artist: Minor Threat

Copyright Minor Threat

This album...actually the entire Minor Threat discography has played a big part in keeping me sane while I struggle with navigating the bureaucratic Maelstrom that is UMASS. I used to print out this album cover and put it on the front of all of my binders and folders just to remind myself that that I wasn't wrong...I was just out of step with all the other sheep being processed at Umass. I was the black sheep happily going his own way...most likely away from the slaughterhouse. If I was going to get a tattoo it would be of the black sheep, right on my wrist so that I could look at it when ever I needed a little confidence. This cover is awesome because there is no mistaking the message, even the illustration styles is different between the black sheep and the white sheep.

Album: Killers
Artist: Iron Maiden

Copyright Iron Maiden

Every eighth grade boy has a darker side...its just a release from all of the crud that happens at school, some guys get into horror movies others get into metal music...some get into both. The Killers album helped to satisfy my darker side without providing me with a rap sheet. Interestingly enough for the graphic violence depicted on the cover the music itself isn't really that violent at all. Another interesting side note is that when I was in middle school I never actually owned the album art...I had a tape of the album that a friend of mine had made me sans art. But I remember seeing the cover on his cassette, and what impressed me was not the coolness of Eddy himself but the hands of the victim sticking up from the bottom of the painting. This implied that someone clever...or subtle was drawing this album cover...it didn't have to be the unmitigated blood bath of your average Cannibal Corpse cover.

Album: Peace Sells...But Who's Buying?
Artist: Megadeth

Copyright Megadeth

Iron Maiden's mascot is Eddy, and he is clearly some kind of deranged homicidal zombie thing. Megadeth's mascot is Vic and he always appears as some kind of very sinister suit wearing skeleton business man. To me Vic is ten times more scary than Eddy because he might try to sell me a house or a used car...maybe even life insurance. Vic isn't going to kill you outright first he is going to rip you off. I love the title of this album because it just sounds so bitter...like Dave Mustaine...but not just bitter, a really mean kind of bitter. Like Dave Mustaine himself. I love Megadeth because I never really liked Metallica, probably because the cover art on Metallica albums sucked. Look at any Megadeth album cover and then look at the black album by Metallica and is anyone surprised that they ran out of steam. Could it be due to lack of vision? If I was ever going to sell junk bonds to the elderly Vic would be my business partner.

Album: Rated R
Artist: Queens of the Stone Age

Copyright Queens of the Stone Age

I have not been listening to Queens of the Stone Age for that long. Unless you count Josh Homme's work in Kyuss. But I love this album cover because it instantly speaks to the movie geek in me. For those of you who do not go to the movies it is done in the style of an R-rated movie trailer band. Simple, and elegant. Ummm....if I made an R rated movie I would put this image on the screen after the credits were done.

Album: Surfer Rosa
Artist: Pixies

Copyright The Pixies

O.k. in all honesty I probably included this album cover because I associate it with the awesome music inside. I do like the cover, it works with some of the other Pixie covers. Basically weird sepia toned photographs with understated text. In this case the photo is of a very pretty woman who isn't wearing a shirt...I think she might be a dancer. I don't know its just an odd cover that I happen to like.

Album: Washing Machine
Artist: Sonic Youth

Copyright Sonic Youth

I love this cover because it reflects the extreme artiness and the extreme indie rock sensibilities of Sonic Youth. For those of you not in the know this is how the cover was born. Two Sonic Youth fans made their own Tee shirts, blue shirts with a washing machine and the name of the band on the front. Memebers of the band saw the shirts and liked them enough to take a picture, they then made that picture into the cover of the album named Washing Machine. So I love this album cover because it represents two fan boys helping to shape the creative vision of one of the most visionary bands ever...Sonic Youth.

Thus concludes my Top Ten album covers, feel free to offer your two cents. As you can see from my selections I evidently prefer drawings to photographs.

"Larry"

2005-04-29T19:14:00.000-04:00

I decided to call this post "Larry" because it spans a number of days, and contains so many random events that I could not come up with a clever title to catch your attention. Without further ado I give you..."Larry!"

Last week was incredibly busy for me, it all began on Thursday with a huge job fair in Boston. Colleen and I both went down there to get teaching jobs. We drove to her parents house after I got out of work at Midnight the night before the conference. The next morning we were up with the sun and dressed to the nines ready to impress potential employers with our expensive suits and 20 bond resume paper.

Drawing By Mike

So far neither one of us has gotten a job. But we were successful in "getting our names out there." I suppose that we also managed to put a little face time in with potential employers, which is never a bad idea. We left the job fair around noon and spent the rest of the day in Boston. This is where we had our first adventure of the day.

Upon exiting my car I noticed that the brake lights were still lit. The car was in park, the keys were in my hand, and there were no disembodied feet resting on the brake pedal. Clearly something was wrong. I tried moving the car, moving the pedals, swearing, calling my Dad...eventually it became apparent that the only way that I was going to be able to keep my battery from dying was to climb under my dashboard and use my trusty leatherman tool to yank the fuse out of the fuse panel.

Drawing By Mike

If I was going to attempt this dangerous maneuver steeped in Macgyverosity, I had to change out of my suit first. Luckily I had a change of clothes in the car, so I quickly stripped in the garage and slipped in to my jeans and tee shirt. Using my Leatherman I successfully defused the car. Colleen and I spent the rest of that gorgeous afternoon in Boston walking from one end of the city to the other, we also had dinner with one of Colleen's friends.

Suffice it to say that we were both dog tired the next morning. But that didn't stop us from having an amazing time at Colleen's College Formal. For those of you who do not know a College Formal is essentially the same thing as the High School Prom. Just think College Prom its easier. We both had a blast but the DJ was pretty lame...and dangerous.

Drawing By Mike

At one point in the evening as Colleen and I a talking to friends I see this great big fire ball shoot into the air. It originated from the area of the DJ booth and I instantly had a Great White flashback. There were roughly four hundred people on the dance floor and this lame DJ is tempting fate by lighting things on fire. Personally I feel that the least he could have done was queue up Once Bitten Twice Shy. That way if something goes wrong and I should perish in a fiery holocaust at least my friends will be able to appreciate the irony of the situation at my funeral.

The other day I had to go all the way out to East Windsor to buy a lawn mower blade from the John Deer hayseeds. I felt like Hank Hill surrounded by lawnmowers and John Deer merchandise, and I freely admit that I said "YEP" a lot. I also bought a lawnmower blade that did not fit my lawnmower, so I had to use the old crummy blade to cut the lawn. I could mow two strips and then I had to stop and empty the bag.

Drawing By Mike

This entire process was made unbearable by the fact that iTunes had failed me miserably. You see the night before I was at work and I was listening to a sample track from one of Henry Rollins' spoken word albums entitled "Eric the Pilot." I thought that the material was funny and I decided to log onto iTunes and purchase the CD so that I could listen to it while mowing the lawn.

Drawing By Mike

Sadly I was unable to listen to Henry's awesome aviation adventure in a single engine Cessna with a pilot named Eric because iTunes offers a very limited selection of Mr. Rollins work. Instead I listened to Black Flag...which was not quite what I wanted but it helped a little bit.

My day ended with a phone call from my friend Meghan who had apparently contracted some kind of flesh eating virus on her hand. That means a virus was eating her flesh. She was able to get the appropriate medicine to stop the virus and save her hand. I have decided to immortalize her near tragedy by placing a drawing of the wound on my blog.

Drawing By Mike

Take that posterity.

Coming Attractions!!!!

2005-04-28T22:59:00.000-04:00

For those of you who stop by this page regularly you may have noticed a lack of updates. I apologize I have been execptionally busy lately, which is bad for the blog but good for me.

I promise all of you a post tomorrow which will include some of the following elements:

1. Boston

2. College-Prom

3. Great White (for insensitive comedic value)

4. Macguyver-esqe feats

6. Henry Rollins

7. John Deere Lawnmowers

8. A flesh eating virus

I invite all of you to reflect upon these elements and try to imagine something half as awesome as what I will post tomorrow...but you will ultimately fail.

Rob Zombie Owes Me!!!

2005-04-14T23:23:00.000-04:00

To put it bluntly Rob Zombie owes me another nine-hundred and thirty four corpses. You see back in April of 2003 Mr. Zombie released a horror movie entitled House of 1000 Corpses. There was a fairly big buzz surrounding the film, it was supposed to be a departure from the slick ultra-polished Hollywood horror films of recent memory and a return to horror classics like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes. Suffice it to say I was sold on the movie

But when your name is Rob Zombie and your film is called House of 1000 Corpses, and the tagline reads The most shocking tale of carnage ever seen! I expect a bit more of you. What exactly was I expecting to see in this movie? To be blunt I was expecting to see one thousand corpses. My friends were dubious, but I was adamant! If the film was titled House of 1000 Corpses then you can bet that that is exactly how many there will be, so I stopped by work to borrow a piece of scientific equipment.

Drawing By Mike

After I secured my chrome plated people counter I went and watched the movie. I thought that the film was ok, but it certainly did not live up to all of the hype. As I was watching I became aware of the fact that by one hour in either Rob was going to have to pick up the pace a bit or there was no way that he was going to meet his one thousand body quota.

Drawing By Mike

I tried to be as scientific as possible. I brought research equipment, and I only counted the bodies that were unquestionably dead, if the subject was mortally wounded I did not add them to my tally unless they expired onscreen. Despite my rigorous empirical guidelines I gave Mr. Zombie the benefit of the doubt in a few scenes. For example in the tunnel scene I was very generous with my tally. Despite this the body count never rose above a dismal 66 corpses.

So why am I bothering to mention this now? Well this year Rob Zombie is releasing another movie called The Devil's Rejects. The trailer looks like classic psychobilly type horror which would be cool. It looks like it might be park horror flick part road movie, and if he manages to capture the isolated atmosphere of a Midwestern highway I guarantee you that I will love the movie provided of course I see those missing corpses. Just so that no one reads this and gets the wrong idea, I don't enjoy looking at dead bodies. Personally they give me the creeps, but if you claim that there are one thousand bodies in your movie you had best deliver if you want to get my ten dollars.

Drawing By Mike

The Delta

2005-04-09T13:44:00.000-04:00

Early spring always makes me think about the first car I ever bought, a nineteen eighty-six Oldsmobile Delta 88...slightly used. It was the spring of my senior year in high school and it was time to buy a car.

Drawing/Tracing By Mike

I do not remember how I found this car it was probably through an advertisement placed in the local paper but I remember going with my Mom and Dad to go take it for a test drive. My Dad drove, actually he drove the hell out of it, testing the brakes, acceleration, turn radius and a bunch of other things utilizing a series of questionably legal maneuvers on a local side street.

I purchased the car with one thousand dollars of my own hard earned money, at that point the most money I had ever spent in my entire life. I did not have to be told what a big investment a car was, because my wallet already understood.

My Delta 88 was an awesome car, it could hold six people comfortably and legally. It was white and a little rusty in a few places but I qucikly learned the joys of bondo and spray paint and on special occasions I would dress it up nicely...until the next time that it rained and the rust would bleed through again. The interior of this car was like heaven on four wheels. In the late eighties if there was nothing else American auto workers could do, they could build an insanely comfortably luxury car. When you sat down in the Delta you would sink about an inch into royal blue crushed velvet upholstery. The dashboard went on forever a pure unbroken field of blue that I would faithfully Armor-All every chance that I got.

This car had a 3.8 liter Chevy V6 with the shift on the column and the thinnest steering wheel known to man. The steering wheel was made out of blue plastic, with no insulation, no cushioning of any kind just a metal band running through the center that would heat up to blast furnace temperatures during the summer and leave welts on my hand whenever I tried to drive it after parking it in the sun.

Drawing By Mike

I used to leave a towel in my car so that I could leave it on the steering wheel so that I could drive without burning my hands. This car had some idiosyncrasies, what used car doesn't? Sure the engine was a beast, fast and powerful but the speedometer only went up to 85mph, so driving on the highway was a bit of a gamble.

My Delta also came with a strange odor, which was not exactly disgusting...just constantly present. It didn't matter how long you remained in the car the odor never seemed to fade, it was always in your nostrils, and your nose never seemed to get used to it. Fortunately my Mother helped me finally exorcise those aroma demons.

Because my Delta was once a top of the line luxury car it had a lot of features that served to entice new buyers and only served to irratate me. For example in 1986 Oldsmobile felt that it would be a good idea to create a voice warning system and incorporate it into my car. When there is a problem in most cars a light will activate on the instrument cluster and occasionally a beep might activate as well. This is not the case in my car. In my Delta if the engine coolant dropped below a certain level a disembodied and totally unexpected female voice would warn me that the coolant levels in my car are "dangerously low."

Drawing By Mike

This can be a bit alarming not only for the driver of the vehicle, who had no clue that his car came with this feature, and any passengers who might be traveling with him. In addition to robot voices, my car had power everything. Locks, windows, steering, brakes, horn, mudflaps the works! Unfortunately my power windows were a bit dicey, they would always go down, it was somewhat questionable if they would ever go up again. But my airconditioner worked great, the only problem was that once you turned it on the fan would keep running and drain the battery, so I used to have to crawl underneath the car and disconnect the fan manually.

The most annoying characteristic about my Delta, at least for passengers, was the lock on the passenger side door was practically dead. In order to enter the car from the passenger side I would have to enter before you and from the drivers seat click the locks up and down up and down as fast as possible until the passenger door unlocked. Then the passenger would be able to board the vehicle. The problem with this procedure is that it is totally unreliable, you have to jockey the locks as fast as possible and then stop when the door unlocks but not accidentally lock the door again. Its a bit like Russian roulette.

Drawing By Mike

The other problem with this plan is that the vast majority of passengers will try to open a car door the moment they hear the locks cycle. Thus they constantly prevent the door from unlocking. While most of my passengers didn't mind this process in the summer the vast majority of them would complain when February rolled around.

There it is, in a nut shell that is what my first car was like. Sure it had its problems, and the car that I currently drive is vastly superior; but on certain days I would give anything to have that car back. It was fun to drive and I can say with total honesty that it never once let me down.

Another Goal Accomplished...(Realized?)

2005-04-01T18:37:00.000-05:00

If you tried to locate me around noon on the last day of March you would have had a hard time finding me. I was walking through the woods behind, well actually kind of kiddie-corner to my house. There is a trail that runs through these woods and I began to follow it with no real purpose or destination in mind. But it was a beautiful spring morning and the sun was shining and I decided to see where my feet would lead me.

Today they led me into the woods, and straight to an OWL! Not just any owl a Great Horned Owl. Which is pretty cool; albeit not as cool as The Great Owl but I will take what I can get.

Drawing By Mike

Here is what happened: I was walking directly under a tall pine tree, exactly as pictured and I happened to look up. I have no idea why but I noticed this big thing on one of the branches. It was vaguely bird shaped but I did not know what kind of bird...until it opened its eyes. They were enormous and unbelievably yellow. He stared at me and I stared at him, my hand reached into my pocket for my cell phone. As my hand gripped my cell phone I remembered that I do not own a camera phone so I left it in my pocket and cursed myself for not bringing a real camera.

I stared at the owl for about five minutes and then he flew away. It was amazing, this has to be one of the biggest birds that I have ever seen, certainly it had the biggest eyes and claws. I have always wanted to see an owl up close...it has been one of my goals. I guess that I can cross that one off of my list.

Most people would have given up at this point. What else could I possibly encounter in the woods that would top my owl sighting? I have two words for you: ICESKATING FROGS!

Drawing By Mike

As I was walking I stumbled across a pond with all of these little frogs, but the frogs were not in the water. The frogs were sitting on top of the ice. I have no choice but to conclude that these frogs had been ice skating before I interrupted them.

What Makes The Perfect Weekend?

2005-03-23T16:06:00.000-05:00

What makes the perfect weekend? For me the first ingredient has to be a destination. I need a goal or a focus; be it a destination or an activity. This past weekend I was traveling to Central Mass to spend a few days with my girlfriend Colleen. The second ingredient in a good weekend is an early start, if you do not get an early start I estimate that you lose more than a third of your weekend if you are not on the road by 8 o'clock in the morning.

Fortunately this Saturday found me up early and on the Mass Pike by 8 o'clock on the button. I was armed with a full tank of gas, a change of clothes and a mix CD designed for Colleen. As is my custom I preview any mix disc that I burn for friends, think of it as a quality control measure. As is my car's custom on any long trip the CD player began to skip like crazy. This more than anyother reason is why I want an iPod. I can not take the stress of a hour in the car with a skipping CD player, because there is no remedy. I have tried cleaning the discs and the player itself. and I have switched the discs, I have tried numerous inventive ways of inserting the disc, slowly, quickly, gently ect. The end result is always the same the disc skips and I am forced to drive my car gingerly.

Drawing By Mike

The problem with trying to drive anywhere gingerly at roughly 75 miles an hour is that it cannot be done, and it is exceedingly exasperating to attempt. Thankfully my CD player finally calmed down and I was able to drive like myself again and enjoy the trip to Colleen's house.

Colleen's house rocks. It is the coolest house into which I have ever been invited. For starters it is about as old as this country is and that gives it a sense of history. He family is just as cool as the house and they have always made me feel welcome there even though I am on my best behavior. Why am I on my best behavior? Because Colleen's house is chock full of cool stuff and I have ADD. That means the minute I walk through the door all I want to do is play with all of the cool stuff inside.

Drawing By Mike

So I try to be on my best behavior so that I do not break anything. I keep my hands to myself when I am there, I don't even touch the armrests on the couch. Sometimes this requires an enormous amount of will power on my part. Especially when I am watching a Lifetime channel movie with Colleen and only a few feet away in plain sight is both an antique cash-register and an antique telephone. Its so hard to resist. But so far I have preservered.

The highlight of the weekend had to be Saturday night when Colleen showed me that there was a little slice of heaven tucked away in one corner of the Providence mall. She took me to Dave and Buster's. For those of you who do not know this is a restaurant that caters to a more adult crowd. You go there eat food, and then play video games for the rest of the night. We played a ton of games and I learned that Colleen is much better at driving simulators than I am; however we are more evenly matched when fighting our way through hordes of bloodthirsty zombies.

Drawing By Mike

What could possibly be more romantic than a boy and girl fighting off zombies together in a haunted house. Nothing! The only thing that would make that scenario more enjoyable would be to have a few ice cold Red Stripes on hand.

Not Quite Number One...Yet!

2005-03-18T18:19:00.000-05:00

Attention this just in:

If you search for a "civilian flamethrower" on Google, in .24 seconds you will see that the # 5 result is the Tepid Inferno.

This day should get a full page in your journals tonight.

Mike

When I Wake Up...

2005-03-16T20:00:00.000-05:00

When I woke up this morning my sister asked me why I get up so early if I do not have to be to work until one o'clock. The simplest answer is that I love the mornings. I have always been a morning person, or an early-riser. I remember staying over my grandparents house and going downstairs early in the morning to pull up all the shades and watch the sun come up with my Grandmother while she made breakfast. Even when I was in highschool I would wake up an hour and a half before the bell rang just so that I could get to school early enough to hang out with my friends. I love being the first one in the building and I love being the only one awake and out of bed in the house.

I have a very simple morning routine, I wake up at around 6:30am and then I slip into my green bathrobe and go downstairs to make a pot of coffee. A lot of people will start a pot of coffee and then hop in the shower while it brews. I did this for a little while until the coffee-maker began to spill all of the coffee all over the floor. There is nothing so devastating as seeing you coffee in a puddle on the ground and realizing that you do not have enough beans to make a second pot. Because of this incident I like to hang around and watch the coffee pot to make sure that nothing goes wrong.

As soon as the coffee has finished brewing I pour a mug, and head upstairs to take a shower.

Drawing By Mike

When I take a shower there are two things that I must have, the first is a radio and the second is plenty of cold water. I know some of you may be cringing right now but I love cold showers, some people would call them invigorating but I believe that bracing would be a more accurate term. How cold are my showers? Let me put it this way I don't even fog up the mirrors. I have been showering with a boom box for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I listen to the radio but most of the times I will pop in a CD to sing along with.

Drawing By Mike

Sometimes I select one song to enjoy for the entire length of my shower, maybe its a fun song that I happen to enjoy or that happens to place me in a good mood. Other times it may be an anthem that will get me pumped up enough to triumph over the challenges that the new day brings. Either way one thing is certain I will play that song at the loudest volume that I can get away with, despite the fact that my brother and sister are most likely still sleeping. I also like to sing along with the radio...I can't vouch for my siblings but I think that I happen to have a pretty good singing voice. As soon as I finish with my shower I will drink my cup of coffee to warm up. This is the best part of the day for me, hot coffee after a cold shower and I still have breakfast to enjoy.

After my shower I get dressed for the day and go down to the living room where I like to watch some T.V. or read for a little while. This is the best time of day to attempt this because nobody else is up yet.

Drawing By Mike

I watch a little T.V. and eat my breakfast in peace. Sure I may not be the most considerate person in the house when I wake up; what with the coffee grinder and the singing in the shower, but I am not a hypocrite. I never yell at anyone else for waking me up because I have a very simple motto: If I am up then everyone else should be up too. I wouldn't want them to miss the best part of the day.

Thank You For Wasting My Time

2005-03-15T11:53:00.000-05:00

I switched shifts with my boss today. This means that I am in the library and the sun is still shining. There are a number of problems or obstacles that this arrangement creates. The first obstacle that I encountered today is the presence of other employees who are not subordinate to myself. This annoys me because it results in a constant stream of people in and out of my office to tell me that they are going to the bathroom, or that they are back from the bathroom, or they just wanted to steal a piece of candy from the candy dish.

All of these exchanges amount to nothing more than interruptions, and interruptions keep me from meeting the goals that I set for myself at work. Goals like drawing a few illustrations to post on my blog. Or reading a few chapters of a novel, or perhaps even completing some makeup work.

If you are lucky you can retrain your coworkers to conduct themselves in a manner that will not irritate you. For example I try to lead by example by just disappearing from my desk when I have to go to the men's room. I do not alert half of the staff or update my IM program, I just stand up and walk into the john. I figure should anything really terrible happen to me my coworkers would most likely be the last people I would want coming to my aid in the midst of a crisis. Sadly this method has not worked for me, but I wish you the best of luck.

If you still find yourself being needlessly hassled I recommend employing these devilish counter-dullard defense mechanisms devised by Strongbad. I have found methods three and four to be the most effective in my workplace.

The Truth Is Out There

2005-03-12T16:55:00.000-05:00

When I awoke this morning I realized that my back was hurting. It was not the normal kind of morning stiffness, it was more of a twisting, shredding kind of pain. I immediately went downstairs to wake up my Mom. My Mom was a pediatric nurse and thus she possess a great store of healing knowledge; besides everyone goes to their mom when they hurt themselves.

As my Mom and I tried to arrive at the appropriate therapy for treating my back ache a number of theories were postulated as to why my back would be causing this much discomfort. We tried the usual suspects but they did not seem to fit the clues. I hadn't been lifting weights or doing any kind of physical conditioning this week. My Mom felt that the most logical explanation was that I strained something when I had been shoveling the day before. I rejected this hypothesis because I could not understand why the pain would lie dormant for three days and ambush me out of the blue.

My mother offered a few more scenarios but I began to have my own suspicions.

When I went to bed last night I felt fine. I was the picture of perfect health. I slept in my regular bed in my normal sleeping attire and my traditional sleeping position. By all accounts I should have had an uneventful nights sleep. So if there were no internal reasons for my back pain it must be the result of external forces.

Drawing By: Mike

I surmise that I was taken from my room last night by beings from another planet. Only an advanced alien civilization would have the technology to remove me from my room with out my knowledge. They most likely employed some form of sophisticated tractor beam and anesthesia technology. That would explain both how they transported me and my lack of memories from the incident.

Drawing By Mike

Unfortunately even Alien technology is not one hundred percent perfect. I believe that their tractor beam momentarily malfunctioned and I plummeted from the sky and injured my back when I landed on the ground. Thankfully the alien anesthesia did not fail and I have no memory of the incident.

Drawing By Mike

This is the only scenario that I can come up with that fits all of the available facts; but if you think that you have an alternative please shoot me an email so that I can clear up this mess.

May the Force be with you...

2005-03-10T22:30:00.000-05:00

If you take away my family the only constant thing in my life is Star Wars. I can remeber staying up late to watch it on T.V. for the first time. I remeber sleeping over my friend Matthew's house and watching The Empire Strikes Back on HBO. I remeber how he covered his eyes when ever the Wampa was on screen but I watched. Yes even back then I was a monument to bravery. I have had a VHS copy of the trilogy for most of my life and for a long time I would watch these movies every single night. As a result my brother and sister also saw Star Wars just as often as I did. I have always know that the original trilogy has enriched my life, but my little sister has always remained skeptical. Until yesterday.

My sister is currently interning in a classroom for preschool children affilcted with autism. One of the boys that she works with tends to injure himself on a daily basis. Yesterday when Hayley went over to his table to draw with him she noticed a familar shape. A circle with a line around the equater and another circle a bit further up the page. She instantly identified the picture as the Death Star. And the little boy was estatic, when he asked her how she knew about Star Wars she told him that I am a huge fan, so he drew me a picture of R2-D2 and C-3po.

Drawing By: Matt B.

According to Hayley thanks to her skills and a little help from the Force yesterday was one of the first times that this boy has gone home without injuring himself; and I recieved thanks from my sister for making her watch Star Wars so many times.

The Secret of my Success

2005-03-09T19:17:00.000-05:00

One of the interesting things about my life is that I work two jobs. Some nights I work in a library and other nights I work in a hospital with my dad. Today I will tell you a little bit about my job at the library.

I am not a librarian. My official title is Evening Circulation Associate; a more concise way of putting it would be to say that I am the "Night Guy." Essentially I do everything that they do during the day with a tenth of the staff but I get to kick all the patrons out a midnight and use a PA system. Its a trade-off but one that I am quite happy with.

To the untrained eye it may appear that I do not have enough work to justify an eight hour shift. This is not the case; as any professional librarian could explain, there is plenty of work to be done. It just so happens that I am an extremely efficient individual. What takes the average librarian two hours to complete I can finish in roughly twenty minutes. Sometimes with greater accuracy then the trained librarians.

So what, you may ask yourself, is the secret to my success? I can attribute my success to two factors the first being my ADD and the second being the blunt and condescending manner in which I handle the patrons. For many ADD is an affliction but every once in a while it can be a bit of a blessing. The upside to being constantly distracted by just about everything around you is that you are very rarely bored. Everything around you has the untapped potential to suddenly become the most interesting thing on the planet without warning. Sure this is a liability when sitting in a classroom, or on a jury but when you work nights at a library it becomes a godsend right around ten o'clock when things start to slow down.

Who says Add is bad. Drawing by Mike

The ADD was a gift from God; but the condescending bluntness...well that took years of working in a Longmeadow CVS to cultivate. The simple fact of the matter is that 90% of college students do not know how to use the library. I can understand that figure, I am still appalled by it but I understand. The fact that 75% of them do not know the name of their professor six weeks into the semester I find irritating. When someone asks me for a book on reserve and they do not know who the professor is or what the name of the class is I get irritated and I let my irritation show.

Drawing by Mike

Thanks to my ADD and my unique approach to customer service I have plenty of free time at work to work on other things like homework, reading, the occasional blog post...with illustrations.

Dreaming of Dreams

2005-03-05T14:57:00.000-05:00

I once had a friend ask me if I felt that there should be some sort of warning notice placed near everyone's bed. She felt that this notice should warn people that if they fall asleep they run the risk of having a dream. Her thinking was that once we begin to dream we enter an altered state of consciousness and the public should be warned that this is about to happen. I cannot remember if I agreed with her at the time but if she was to ask me again I would say YES.

Dreams are crazy things, you never know what you might encounter within one...Freud tells us that dreams are a product of the unconscious mind. He may have even said that the unconscious is trying to tell us something. I have decided to share three recent dreams with you and you let me know what you think my unconscious mind is trying to tell me.

Dream Number One:

I am driving a yellow school bus through an indistinct town/city I pull over to the side of the road and Eddie Van Halen climbs on board. He has a guitar with him. We have some generic chit chat and he starts to teach me how to play Running with the Devil on the guitar. Things seem to be going pretty well...although I have no idea how I was able to drive the bus while playing guitar at the same time...until the next stop.

Panama!!

I open the door and David Lee Roth climbs on board walks past Eddie and I and sits in the back of the bus. After about a block he starts singing the chorus from Ice Cream Man and making fun of Eddie. I begin laughing because he is really funny. Eddie demands to be let off the bus and flips me off as I drive away.

Dream Number Two:

I have to drive a pickup truck from point A to point B. Which just happens to be at the other end of a particularly narrow winding street. The pickup truck has a standard transmission which I cannot drive, but I give it a shot anyway and seem to do an okay job. Things are going fine until I see a crowd of people watching me at the bottom of a hill and I realize that I can not stop the truck. The keep watching me as I careen towards them...then I wake up.

Have you driven a Ford off a cliff lately?

Dream Number Three:

In this dream I am packing boxes in my Sunderland apartment when suddenly the door comes flying off the hinges towards me. I stand up and see this knife wielding fiend with a crazy beard and head of hair come charging towards me. I let out a cry and then another and then I wake up. I am pretty sure that when I woke up I shouted out loud.

Zoinks!!!

The funny thing is that I love these kinds of dreams that cross over into the waking world. I love the sensation of falling in my dreams and then startling myself awake. I had a friend who was convinced that if you fell off of something in a dream and hit the ground then you would die. I remember thinking that he was an idiot. If the person died while dreaming how the hell would you know what they were dreaming about? I still think he is an idiot.

The Infamous Flamethrower Post...It Note?

2005-03-03T20:22:00.000-05:00

A Nor'easter deposited another six inches of snow on my parents driveway the other day and the job of cleaning up the mess once again fell upon the shoulders of my brother and I. My Mom was at work and my Dad was in Las Vegas. I invited my cousin Shannon outside to join in our snow removal fun but she declined. As Tim and I began shoveling the snow my mind once again became occupied with the entire concept of snow removal. Let us be honest here, snow has been falling on New England pretty much since the dawn of time but you still only have three viable options for clearing a path. Shoveling, snow-blowing and hiring someone to plow your driveway.

Three options...until now!!!

Why not use a FLAMETHROWER to melt the snow away.

Drawing By Mike

Before you start to post comments about the potential dangers give me a minute of your time so that I might outline some of the potential benefits of removing snow via FLAMETHROWER.

For starters Flamethrowing is much more practical than shoveling.

Drawing By Mike

You will not be putting half as much strain on your body. If you can sling a backpack over your shoulders you can now clear your driveway. Think about it for a minute, snow removal without wrenching your back. Sounds like a little slice of heaven. Why even the elderly should be able to handle this, if the aged can clear their own walkways it would mean that they would be less likely to fall and break a hip on the ice...and of course you wouldn't have to do it for them.

For those of you who use a snow-blower think about this for a moment. What is the biggest drawback to snow-blowing? Why having your hand torn off and spat across the street by a big piece of machinery.

Drawing By Mike

Think about the bleeding and the screaming...think of the children who might witness this event. If you could use a flamethrower you would never have to worry about selecting a jaunty prosthetic after clearing the driveway ever again. The second major drawback to snow-blowing is having the wind blow snow into your face and down your neck. While operating the flamethrower I am confident that the air would feel almost tropical. It would probably feel like a mini-vacation.

Now nothing in life is perfect; you would have to pay close attention to which way the wind is blowing while you are operating the flamethrower...you may want to install a weathervane for more accurate forecasting. No matter how tempting it may be I would not recommend using the flamethrower to clean the ice off of your car in the morning because it could result in accidental incineration. It might be a good idea to always stand with your back to your house just in case.

Drawing By Mike

But those are the only potential drawbacks that I can foresee; besides there are still a ton of benefits to a civilian flamethrower. Once the Zombies rise from the grave, (and believe me they will rise) your flamethrower would make a handy defensive weapon because Zombies are afraid of fire...and they burn.

Drawing By Mike

Once you have successfully toasted all of the Zombies you could set up a stick with some weenies for roasting.

Drawing By Mike

I swear there is no end to the potential benefits and uses of the flamethrower...besides I bet that they would be a hell of a lot of fun.

A Scanner Darkly...

2005-02-23T09:22:00.000-05:00

I have not read as many Philip K. Dick books as I would like to, but I have read "A Scanner Darkly" and I am very curious to see how the film adaptation turns out. "A Scanner Darkly" has to be in the running for most difficult book to adapt ever. There are so many elements intrinsic to the story that take place within the minds or imaginations of many of the characters that at times the book is confusing to read, let alone adapt for the big screen.

A Scanner Darkly

That being said I am extremely hopeful about this project because it looks to be some what revolutionary in its use of animation and or rotoscoping (not sure which term applies). In order to whet your appetite here are some pictures from the production that have been released and a link to the trailer.

Techno Lust and Catholic Guilt

2005-02-19T14:47:00.000-05:00

I want an iPod...and I think that I am going to buy one next month. This is not an impulse purchase. In fact this is one of the most carefully planned purchases I have ever made. I put less thought into buying my car. Of course whenever I get ready to buy something expensive my Catholic guilt complex kicks into overdrive and I begin to analyze every aspect of the impending purchase.

Is the item worth this expenditure. In order to make this determination I have to estimate how much I will use an item before it I get bored with it and move onto the next thing. Because an iPod essentially serves as a portable receptacle for music, I feel confidant that as long as I enjoy music I will use the iPod. Also because part of the iPod experience involves transforming my music into an intangible form this will protect me from any attempts made by the RIAA to switch formats on me.
Always delay the purchase. If I can wait a month or two before buying something I know that it was a well reasoned purchase. I have been toying with this idea for over a year now and I have been ripping my CD's to iTunes since Christmas. I guess it is safe to say that my desire is not fleeting.
Deflect the guilt by imposing restrictions. This is one of my favorite things to do in order to minimize the guilt that I will feel for buying something shiny and new I try to figure out a way to purchase an item without draining my bank account. So I will delay a purchase until a week when I know I have worked extra shifts and I will receive a bigger paycheck. This time around I decided that I would buy my iPod entirely with pocket change. I have been rolling coin for about seven months and I am surprised to say that I have almost saved up enough.
Get the approval of others. I also like to casually mention my desire to buy an iPod to my friends with the hope that they will give me their approval. There are some pitfalls to this plan. Sam wholeheartedly endorses the iPod plan and would most likely drive me to the Apple store this afternoon if I asked him. Others don't see the point of it.

The point of the iPod is the feeling of liberation that I expect to feel when I can walk around carrying every single CD in my pocket. The joy of not having to deal with my car CD player when it arbitrarily decides to begin skipping for about a month. Not having to cringe in horror as passengers in my car get their fingerprints all over my CD's or God forbid, drop them on the floor. Best of all I won't have to worry about returning to my car only to find that some thief has stolen two binders worth of CD's. This is my greatest fear and not only because it would mean that I would have to undertake the impossible task of replacing the purloined discs but because I know that nobody would enjoy the music as much as I did. I guess I have to buy the iPod not for me of course but to spare the innocent thieves who might steal my music by mistake.

"I Am Not Going To Die For Dischord...."

2005-02-18T16:59:00.000-05:00

I was driving my girlfriend home and listening to 20 Years of Dischord, when I inadvertently drove across the centerline while reading the track-listing on the back of the box. As I pulled the car back into the proper lane Colleen exclaimed; "I am not going to die for Dischord!" The funny thing is that my immediate reaction was "I would."

Dischord is my favorite record label for more reasons then I could ever list; but the biggest reasons would have to be integrity. The people who formed this label, the bands that are part of it and the records that they have released are the embodiment of unflagging quality, and an unwavering dedication to the DIY principals that made punk great.

I remember the first time I heard a Dischord band; I had just graduated from High School and it was early summer and I was driving home from the dentist's office. All the windows in my Delta 88 were rolled down and the radio was tuned to 89.3 WAMH, Amherst College's radio station. Every Friday around 3pm there was a student who ran an excellent history of punk show and I always tried to listen, if I wasn't near a radio I would make my brother tape it for me. That afternoon was the first time I had ever heard a Minor Threat song and it blew my mind. The song was Minor Threat and the minute the first notes hit my ears my hand went for the volume knob and I turned it all the way up. I was impressed by the honesty, the intensity and the potential of the song. I instantly identified with it and the more I looked into the band and other bands on Dischord the more I liked what I saw.

This is the music that I wanted to be a part of, not for fame not for money but because it seemed like here was a group of friends who were making great music and having a blast. They achieved their dream and they did it themselves without ever selling out or compromising. The best part is that they are still doing it today. These songs always make me feel hopeful that it is still possible to achieve my dreams no matter how impossible it seems, so long as I am willing to work my ass off.

Dischord is not just a record label it functions as a shepard for the D.C. Hardcore scene simultaneously preserving the past and helping to create the future. This is why the label is so successful...it has never been allowed to become stagnant. I could go on and on singing the praises of the music and what it means but I think this article sums up the entire situation quite eloquently.

So if I haven't convinced you to die for Dischord perhaps I can convince you to swing by the website and place an order for 20 Years of Dischord. It is worth every penny.

Special Report From Section 9...

2005-01-12T17:23:00.000-05:00

Science Fiction is a major influence in my life; and there is no way that I could ever deny that fact. I may be able to conceal it for short increments of time in mixed company but eventually I will tip my hand and reveal my true self. I love the stories, I love the characters and I love the possibilities for the future that Science Fiction presents. I love watching Science Fiction based movies and television shows and I love to reading sci-fi stories. A science fiction movie with a decent script and good art direction has the same effect on me as good pot has on other people...I watch Blade Runner and I get high off of Ridley Scott's vision of the future. Lets face facts here, Blade Runner is the reason I bought my first trench coat; I suppose that Colombo may have had a small part to play in that fashion genesis. Taking all of this into account are any of you really surprised that I spent last night watching Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence?

At this moment, I cannot give you my opinion on the movie; other than to say that like every other viewer on the planet I found the work "visually stunning." I remember reading a comment that the director made saying that the animation in this movie is four years ahead of anything that we have here in the States. After my first viewing of the film I would be inclined to agree with him but with one caveat. Are we really making the same kind of animated movies in this country? GITS is unquestionably adult fare; while most of the cutting edge computer animation in this country or animation in general for that matter is still oriented towards a child audience. I have to give this film a second viewing because to be honest I am still digesting everything; but the only thing that bothered me last night while I was watching it on DVD was the fact that there was no dubbed option. Personally, I prefer to watch foreign films with subtitles that way I don't get distracted by the fact that none of the actors lips are in synch with the dialogue. What bothered me last night was the fact that the subtitles were taking my attention away from the background in the movie. The background art in both the GITS films are amazingly dense and, to me anyway, compelling. The setting is what helps to give the characters and the story depth and realism. That is all that I am going to say at the moment because I need to watch this film again. I turn my attention now to some articles on Cyberpunk that a Professor has just dropped off at the library to be placed on reserve.

This Was Going To Be A Post About Flamethrowers...

2005-01-10T17:38:00.000-05:00

Photo from unknown source

This was supposed to be a post about flamethrowers; and the many practical applications thereof that can be found both inside and around the house. Sadly, I was unable to write that post because apparently I cannot upload any pictures to my Blog. This technical glitch has taken all the fun out of my flamethrower post...so I will talk to you very briefly about music videos.

I love music videos, I like watching them, recalling the images from them when I hear a song on the radio. Much to my dismay the music video seems to be a dying art form or music is a dying art form I really can't decide but obviously the two share a symbiotic relationship. In order to research this post fully I awoke at 6:30 am and spent the next 4-5 hours watching the VH1 classic/Mega Hits channels and I was lucky enough to see some of my favorite videos. The videos that I consider great just happen to have been created in the late eighties and early nineties. This is when I came of age so most likely I am prejudiced but the most significant difference that I noticed between these old school videos and their contemporaries is the production values. Most new videos are garish light filled, slick highly overproduction affairs with little or no imagination. From what I saw today most of the older videos were rougher in look and editing, they had a very choppy flow, and almost all of them included some portion that was filmed in black and white. What does all of this mean? I have no idea...but I know what I like and I like this...

Peter Bazooka Who dosen't like the Dead Milkmen? One of my Favorites!
Whats the Frequency? Kenneth. I do not like R.E.M. despite indoctrination attempts but I like this video.
Cannonball Directed by Kim Gordon and Spike Jonez but it feels like someones drunk cousin did.
El Scorcho Who dosen't like Weezer...yeah but it feels spontaneious.
So Whatcha Want Cheap effects+good song=Gold Records.
Loser I mean come on this has a creeping coffin and dancing cemetary girls.

Snow Shovels and Shape Shifters

2005-01-07T13:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the first real snowstorm of the year; the first one that I could actually enjoy. In order to make the most of a New England snowstorm you need to wake up early in the morning, around six o'clock and from a prone position, reach out from beneath your blankets and place the palm of your hand against a windowpane. Let the cold glass leach all of the heat from your palm and then pull your head out from under the covers and see what kind of damage the snowstorm has done. Yesterday when I peeked out my window, I was delighted to see snow covered tree branches in the early morning light, almost a foot of snow was on the ground and it was still snowing. I jumped out of bed and wrapped myself in my new birthday bathrobe; it is green terry cloth with a hood. Pulling up my hood I went downstairs and popped The Empire Strikes Back into the DVD player, and turned the surround sound up to thirty. I firmly believe that once I decide that it is time to wake up the rest of the world should follow my lead. Certain media complements certain weather conditions; for example on hot muggy days in July, I watch Cape Fear or The Professional. Watching the right movie allows me to make the most of my weather. On snow filled days like yesterday, I like to start my day with Empire and finish it by watching John Carpenters The Thing. In order to maximize the psychological effects of these two films you must time your viewing precisely. I watch Empire early in the morning so that when I go outside to help my family shovel I can pretend I am part of the Rebel Alliance digging in on Hoth preparing to fend off Imperial troops while the last transports make their escape. I make sure to watch The Thing after the sun has gone down, it makes the final shoveling of the driveway more enjoyable. With The Thing fresh in my mind I can let my imagination run wild and my paranoia frequently gets the better of me as I move snow from one side of the asphalt to the other; watching the crepuscular horizon for any signs of approaching monsters. By the time I reenter the house I have worked myself into a frenzy and I begin to scrutinize the mannerisms and actions of my family a little too intently as I try to figure out who is not what they appear to be.

So there it is my first official blog entry, I hope that you enjoyed it. If you didn't then you should read the short story that The Thing was based on and then try to find it in your heart to forgive me.

What the fuck?

2004-10-29T19:18:00.000-04:00

All I wanted to do was comment on Sam's Costume and now I have a blog????? What the fuck?